At Night

A Poem
by Chris Hibbard

At Night

At Night

At night I sit awake and stare at a television that is barely there
Sometimes drinking, sometimes thinking, sometimes wondering how I care
At night I lay and watch the ceiling, thinking of old wishes and dreams
Wondering what’s next, what’s what, and if everything is what it seems
At night I wonder what went on – inside my head, inside our bed,
inside our friendship, our romance, and it’s end

Some nights I wish things were how they were before I got that call
I sometimes feel my memories are fading, and so I struggle to retain them all
Some nights I lay and think of you, and of all those perfectly awful things you do
Then the sun rises, a new day begins, and there’s yet another night to make it to

At night I think of everything. Of you. Of this. Of that. Of years.
Utopian dreams, and commitment fears
At night I dwell on little nasty thoughts – should haves and karmas and being alone
So I wander about collecting ‘do nots’ – like bad habits and scars and old man’s bones
At night I recall you like a star – shining and stunning and ever so far
Never dwindling or fading, nor ever abating – simply out there in the night, wherever you are

Some nights I still hear your steady breathing and can feel the beat of your heart
I sometimes still smell your perfumed hair, and wake up with a start
Some nights remind me of my flaws, my characteristic woes, and I remember that I was the one you chose
And with that choice I later let you down, broke your trust and ran around
And now each new morning is silent and  serene, and  thoughts of you are few and far between
That is, until the hours have passed and the new sun sets, for it is night that visits me with my regrets

And I wonder tonight, as I sit down to write, if I am alone in this curse of the moon
Or at night do you fear all the same things I do, while lying awake in a bed made for two

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~ by Chris Hibbard on October 31, 2008.

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